The State of Things – July 2012

To the five people who subscribe to this blog, I’m sorry I don’t write more often. I am having a terrible day today, which seems an appropriate time for this post (which I’ve been planning for a couple of days).

When I say “The State of Things”, I mean to speak of stuff in my life which I find significant. This is not a news bulletin.

Firstly, I have a fear (which was the original idea for this post). I fear I’m losing my individuality as I become an adult. In our media and literature, we call it growing up or maturing, but I don’t care for big words (in this case). I find I play video games lesser, and read less often for pleasure. I’ve drastically reduced dancing and writing. I don’t remember the last time I drew. I become somber and grim in an accelerated manner, and have started weighing my words more often (though several people have found that a slight improvement). I worry about my weight and I get tired the moment college ends. If you would, please give me your opinion on whether my fear is irrational.

I find several of my skills improving at meteoric speeds. I have recovered from my stuttering and speak much more eloquently now, even making references and allusions from time to time. That makes me feel less out of place in conversations with Abhishek, Puru, and my sister, among other people. Though when it comes to the first two, as the Hindi saying goes, “Delhi abhi door hai.”

I’m short-listed to deliver a 2 minute speech in our college auditorium tomorrow. I guess the teachers feel I speak well.

My typing seems to be on steroids now. I reckon I average 61 words a minute on a good day.

Speaking of good days, I had one yesterday. I had had no sleep that night and no breakfast, but I had finished two pending assignments and I was content the whole day. Today was as if the sin curve just went past the 180 degrees mark.

For those who didn’t understand the Math reference.

I’m in a relationship now. It brings me joy, but in fits and bursts. Still, worth it.

My classmates and friends expect me to be my boisterous jolly self all the time. Granted, that side of my personality is A LOT MORE fun to be around than my surly,  grave, somber, Debby-Downer-like self ( When I feel the blues I feel the dark ones). But people need to understand that I reserve the right to my feelings, and I cannot be happy all the time. In fact, I feel the need to be more solemn now, not to be taken more seriously (which I’m glad and proud to say, I am) but because I tire myself out being the way I am.

I miss Kolkata and the people in it.

#NowPlaying Maroon 5. Those guys are seriously good. Other than that, trolling the top 20 of Billboard, as usual.

I’m going to stop now because I’m slipping back into writer’s block, and I don’t feel like sharing other things that I feel strongly about, and I feel that continuing will be floundering even worse.

Thank you for reading.