Letters to Myself 1

Letters to Myself is an exercise in forcing myself to step back and look at Vaibhav Gupta. I use it to track what I’ve done while learning to love myself.

Banner: Letters to Myself - Vaibhav Gupta

Dear Vaibhav,

Hope you’re doing well. Here you are, with the last new feature that you wanted to introduce to the blog. But I have my doubts with this one. What do you hope to accomplish with it? Are you baring your soul for the world to see? Are you using it as a sly way to promote what you’ve done on the blog this past week?

I admit I’m a little worried about this one. You told me earlier that it was a way for you to track TBFP, but we both know that you won’t be able to translate a vague statement like that into effort.

Like with everything else, you’ll have to test the waters here, and you’ll have to be choose – are you going to be the dedicated blogger that shares everything in their life, or are you going to be the careful self-manager where you cherry pick the things you’re comfortable sharing? How intense and personal we get is something to think about, and think about again.

Since that’s what we planned, let’s track TBFP. From the 1st to the 6th, you’ve already been more motivated than you were the entire two months prior (barring your December vacation). But you’ve already have begun disregarding the TimeTune schedule you set up. It’s something to tune (ha!) and fix. We knew it’d be a work in progress. You wasted Tuesday completely, and while that is not ideal, it’s okay to have a day like that occasionally to decompress. Our aim is to minimize that – because that is your 2015 form, and our aim is to phase that out slowly but surely, so that you don’t have a day like that often.

You’ve worked out a fair amount, but you haven’t routinized it. You’re doing the morning stretching, and you’re doing the evening cardio, but you’re not doing these regularly. You’ve set up the dance class, with a partner no less (!), and you enjoyed yourself thoroughly yesterday. Good! Hold onto that, and use it to motivate yourself to get everything else done.

Somewhere in the past two years, you became resistant to routine and self-discipline. Your mood swings have become worse, and you run to your crutches all too quickly. I don’t need to tell you that you’re responsible for your own happiness – you’ve known that for a while now.

You haven’t watched the movie you planned to watch this week, nor have you read the book as per our list. This is something to work on quickly, because you committed, and you don’t want it to pile up.

The blog and the web design is where you’ve put in the most effort, and I realize that keeping track of 13 goals (as per TBFP) is hard for you. It’s time we crafted the requirements into SMART goals, so you can accomplish 8 targets instead of 4, or 11 instead of 8, and hopefully one day, all 13. (Whee, ‘The Day of the Doctor’ reference)

But let’s get back to giving credit where it is due – the blog posts for this week went up, and you already feel good about it. You can see you’ll schedule the next week too, and the week after that quickly enough. The fourth week is what we’re worried about, because you know that that will require a lot of work to pull off properly. Nevertheless, feedback is good, and you can see yourself getting back to 2014 form rather quickly and we might go well beyond.

The last two days have been slippery. I reiterate, be alert. Breathe. In fact, follow your mantra and BPEL. Music is your friend. Your friends are also your friends and you have them – no need to feel sorry for yourself or think that you don’t.

I can see I’m being harsh on you. But then, I’ve always been that way. That’s something for me to work on, urgently in fact. Because I realize I hold you back when I am this way.

You, meanwhile, have a whole gamut of things to do, both for TBFP and for other commitments. Let us both put our best foot forward, in this weird, testy dance that we do.

Trying to love you,