For the past few months, most times when I look into a mirror, I can’t help crack a smile. Whenever my face appears rested and fresh, or my hair game is strong, or my body looks toned, I smile, and I feel happy despite whatever I’d been feeling prior to that.
I’ve been told that I am not a good-looking person, but am very “presentable” – my grooming has always been to be presentable. Over the last few years, I’ve taken control of my look – my hair, my skincare, and most recently, my clothing.
I’m not fashion-forward – I’m actually fashion-f**ked. Friends and relatives not aged more than 30 have told me I dress too old for my age. It’s the result of an obsessive father who always insisted on choosing the clothes – both for me and my sister. Growing out of that, and wresting control from him, has been an identity-forming experience for both of us.
One of my thirteen New Year’s Resolutions / Year Plan facets has been to improve the way I dress. In January, I purchased a few new pieces of clothing that I’m proud of. However, I realize now that I consulted both my parents over Whatsapp – displaying a lack of confidence in my choice.
That’s okay because I’m not used to buying clothes for myself (that will see more than casual usage). However, the next set of clothes I get made WILL be an autonomous choice, whether I like it or not. I bought some shoes, and am really happy I didn’t consult anybody, and want to continue this trend.
As I take control of my appearance, getting a fashionable haircut, good clothes, and working on losing weight, I find myself feeling better about myself. I’m slowly learning that the dichotomy of characteristics we are taught in our childhood is not as rigid as it seemed. Traits deemed “negative” – sadness, selfishness, and indeed, narcissism, among others, are not to be avoided entirely. Every attribute is required in some quantity, and my narcissism is necessary for me to love myself and bring myself out of a funk every so often.
This article is “I” heavy, which is supposedly an indicator of egoism, egotism and narcissism, and that’s okay.
Do you engage in narcissistic activites? Are you a mirror lover, or a bathroom singer, or a preener? Leave a comment below. 🙂
P.S. I found the featured image via Google Images. Traced it back to who I THINK is the original creator – Margaret Shaw-MacKinnon. Check them out. Thanks for the image!